


Insult to Injury

by DarkShadows93



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: 5+1 Things, Azira!Crowley, Aziraphale's Bookshop (Good Omens), Aziraphale/Crowley First Kiss (Good Omens), Cuddling & Snuggling, Gabriel is a dick, Heaven is Terrible (Good Omens), Insult to injury, M/M, Protective Crowley, Punching, Scene: Body Switching, Vengeful Crowley (Good Omens), crowley enjoys punching Gabriel
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-24
Updated: 2020-08-24
Packaged: 2021-03-07 02:49:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,317
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26089699
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarkShadows93/pseuds/DarkShadows93
Summary: Crowley was a demon who had been called many things. He grew thick skin and knew when to take a punch or a rather nasty comment. But, Aziraphale wasn't a perfect angel. Crowley knew that the moment he learned Aziraphale gave up the sword. He had his faults and was gluttonous to certain things. He would throw tantrums over the littlest things, but yet try to please everyone.For Gabriel to insult Aziraphale unknowingly in front of Crowley. The demon, knowing that Aziraphale would just sit and take it, turned his worry into pure anger.Gabriel's nose was going to meet the full force of an extremely pissed off demon if he didn't stop insulting his angel.----The five times Crowley punches Gabriel for insulting Aziraphale and the one time Gabriel punches back
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Kudos: 41





	Insult to Injury

**Author's Note:**

> I was always curious why Crowley never told Aziraphale what he did in Heaven. Maybe it was because Aziraphale assumed he was being good and willing. Maybe because Crowley had something to hide. 
> 
> Maybe because Crowley was a pissed off Demon and Gabriel deserved a good punch to the face. 
> 
> So I came up with this fic with the idea that Crowley enjoys punching Gabriel just a little too much.

It was a weird sensation being inside Aziraphale's body. It felt like the sun was always shining when the sky was dark and grey. The warmth spreading to the deepest part of him, light fighting off the darkness in splendor. It was almost like a hug that wouldn't let go until you reciprocate. He could feel his angel all around him bathing him in light. For the first time in many lifetimes, he could feel the emotion- love. The first look he shared with Aziraphale, hidden behind topaz eyes he could feel the love he had for him. Love. The angel was- He only felt himself leaning closer to Aziraphale, the love intoxicating him like sweet temptations. Crowley praised his beautiful angel with a chaste kiss and his heart couldn't help but explode into a supernova. 

It wasn't the exact first kiss he had planned. He had planned something entirely different. He didn’t expect to be using lips that didn't belong to him. He didn't expect to be kissing his own lips. He certainly didn't expect Aziraphale wrapping his arms around him and returning it. He couldn't wait to do it properly within the confines of his own body.

All the sensations and feelings were near overwhelming him as they walked through St. James. It was so bright and warm. It was the sensation of seeing the world through a different lens. He nearly broke character with each step. Crowley never fathoms missing these sensations until he was presented to him. He was able to feel Her Grace after so long it was breathtaking. His true form coiled around the light and hoped to never let go. 

It seemed so fast. First Aziraphale was getting a red lolly, and he was staring unamusedly at his cone. He wanted to tell him about the sensations, playing it off as Aziraphale would do. The demons came first. Their forms melting and congealing into an inhuman monstrosity. He saw Hastur first, ready to strike with the crowbar that he had miracled in hand. 

"Az-" no that wasn't his name. He again tried the first syllable of his chosen name escaping in warning as a pair of arms pulled him back, a rough cloth tied around his mouth choking the words. 

Shit. Fuck. Shit. Fuck. Crowley tried to struggle out to stop Hastur, but the years had been too soft for the angel. He was strong but not strong enough to fight against Heavenly Warriors. Still, he struggled, his arms bound tightly behind his back. He couldn't let the bastard hurt Aziraphale. Hell would have a lot to pay if there was a single strand of hair misplaced on Aziraphale's head. 

Crowley released a loud muffled warning, pulling Aziraphale's attention, seeing the concern behind black shades. He tried to release another warning. All he could see was Aziraphale telling him not to fight as Hastur bashed his head. Crowley watched as Aziraphale fell to the ground, his body like bricks. He wanted to break character for that moment; he could feel the ropes burning on his wrists as the Archangels shoved the demon into a ray of Heavenly light. 

*~~~~~*

The ropes felt snug around his wrists. Tight enough that the chair groaned in protest as he tried to lift his hand. Crowley could easily break the bindings if he tried, the ropes snapping like an old rubber band. But that, Crowley, reminded himself that breaking his binds would be breaking character. He couldn't afford to break an ounce of character in Heaven where it would rain Holy Water with a single look of the sky of an Archangel. He may look like an angel, but deep down he was a demon. Raining Holy Water would be the end of him and his angel's corporation. 

Begrudgingly, he just sat and waited. He was never a patient fellow. The Bentley reaching speeds of over a hundred in central London was clear of that. But having to sit, tied up to a chair (which he could easily break) in a forgotten room on the top floor of Heaven, Crowley seriously admired Aziraphale's patience for damn everything. 

The air burned with energy as Crowley felt the sensations of someone apparating behind him. The smell of sumac and cheap Axe. The scent overpowered the room leaving a disinfectant taste in his mouth. He licked at his lips in disgust, trying to rid the taste.

"Ah!" The footfalls of oxfords in a determined stride reverberated in the empty room. The cool, nonchalant serious tone of the Archangel Gabriel filled the room in glorious splendor. Two more Archangels joined him, Sandalphon and Uriel apparating before the demon with a malicious grin, "Aziraphale!"

Crowley tenses as Gabriel places his hands on his shoulders, his tone still cold as he patted him, "Nice of you to join us."

You could've just sent a message." Crowley's tone matching those of Gabriel as he remained stoic, "I mean kidnapping in broad daylight?"

_ It only proves that there is no difference between Heaven and Hell. You lot are just demons too, only being led in a different path. _

"Call what it was. An extraordinary rendition."

_ Rendition of what? You kissing ass? _

As if Gabriel could hear his thoughts, he only laughed clasping his hands together in amusement. Crowley watched the asshat's amethyst eyes narrow ever so slightly as he raised his hand to address the others, "Have we heard from our associate yet?"

Crowley's mouth twitched to a smirk that quickly faded into curiosity as he tilted his head. 

Uriel only responded with "He's on his way" and that seemed to perk the bastard up. Cheering as if his team scored a goal in football as he parroted Uriel, "He's on his way. I think you're going to like this. I really do. I bet ya didn't see this one coming."

_ Bet ya didn't see this one coming.  _ Shit. 

Crowley's mind went quickly to Aziraphale in Hell. What if they saw through his disguise? What if Hell saw that he was an angel? Hell would be nasty enough to send Aziraphale back upstairs only to have Heaven to torture him into Crowley's submission. Having him admit to anything and everything. Crowley would be forced to watch whatever hellish treatment until Aziraphale fell or died. The torture that was worse than any punishment they've handed out. Crowley closed his eyes as he pushed back the thoughts, feeling the heat of Hell rush to the surface of his skin. Crowley would never let Gabriel touch his angel. Not after all of the thousands of years of brainwashing, he was subjected to. 

"Six thousand years of incompetence, Aziraphale. Six thousand years of the negligence of your position. Come on, you let Crowley ruin Eden! We could've had a grand old time. Life would be simple if you've learned to do your job right." Gabriel continued as he leaned back and stuffed his hand in his pocket, "But we forgave you. We gave you another chance. I'm not saying you didn't do an okay job. You've earned that commendation and all. You always did what was best for humans, performing frivolous miracles to make their life better. Instead of them being punished for disobeying the Almighty. But you know what? We forgave you. Though forgiveness can only go so far, Aziraphale. It's just looking back in the files, seeing you fraternize with the enemy like a married couple. You only proved that you're a stupid naive little child that hasn't learned from mistakes."

Crowley was a demon who had been called many things. He grew a thick skin and knew when to take a punch or a rather nasty comment. But, Aziraphale wasn't a perfect angel. Crowley knew that the moment he learned Aziraphale gave up the sword. He had his faults and was gluttonous to certain things. He would throw tantrums over the littlest things, but yet try to please everyone. 

For Gabriel to insult Aziraphale unknowingly in front of Crowley. The demon, knowing that Aziraphale would just sit and take it, turned his worry into pure anger. The rope started to smolder just a little, making it difficult to keep his disguise. 

Gabriel's nose was going to meet the full force of an extremely pissed off demon if he didn't stop insulting his angel.

Sandalphon sniffed the air, the smell of smoldering rope, "I smell ev-"

"You don't get this view down in the basement." 

Oh, thank  _ someone _ . Crowley gently bit inside of his cheek, his gaze shifting to the rope, the smoke fading in the light. He bit back a grin as he watched Eric, Hell's favorite disposable demon walk past him carrying only a satchel. No Aziraphale or Hastur. Good. The disguise still held. Sandalphon seemed to have a cozy fireplace appear before him allowing Eric to toss the contents of Hellfire at it. 

_ Oooh, how terrifying. _ Crowley thought with a smirk, grateful that they had switched bodies. It would be a painful death. Horrible, flesh turned to charred leather in seconds. A death Aziraphale would never have to deal with. 

"Anything to say?" Uriel asked, their gaze remaining on the Hellfire, "Or should we get on with it?"

Crowley remained stoic, eyes focused on the Hellfire before slowly bringing it back to Gabriel.

"So, out of everything you could've done, with one act of treason, you averted a war."

War. That's all they ever cared about. Who could pull a blade faster and slaughter each other? They were willing to destroy humanity over a petty feud. Did they care about the lives that lived below? All those children. But Crowley knew he was talking to the side who was willing to drown innocent children for a rainbow.

"Well, I think the greater good was-"

"Don't talk to me about the greater good, sunshine." Ah, there's the asshat's true colors. Did his purple eyes darken just a bit? Was he getting annoyed at him? Perfect.

"I'm the Archangel Fucking Gabriel."

_ No, you're the Archangel of Fucking Stupid. _

The warm room grew significantly colder as Crowley returned the angered gazed. Gabriel grunted, losing his tie as he continued, " We were finally going to settle things with the opposition once and for all. That was for the greater good. You would know that if you fucking did your job and not fraternize with that bastard Crowley."

"I did do my job. I gave people hope and desire. I-"

"Just do us all a favor and shut up Aziraphale." Gabriel snapped motioning Uriel to free Crowley from the chair. If there was anything Crowley couldn't do was shut up. 

As soon as the rope was free from his wrist, Crowley rubbed his wrists and stood. He tugged at the waistcoat and jacket before adjusting the bowtie. There were somethings that he couldn't just stop. One was talking. Two were using his words to tempt someone out of a situation. 

"I don't suppose I can't persuade to reconsidered, Gabriel?" He pulled at the waistcoat once more his gaze shifting between the three archangels, "We're supposed to be the good guys for Heaven's sake!"

"Well…"

Crowley swallowed as he realized his mistake. Angels didn't say for Heaven's sake it was always for Hell. Hell should be lucky that Heaven was good. Gabriel's sly smile only grew. Hiding a secret that he wasn't willing to share.

"For Heaven's sake, we're supposed to make examples out of traitors. So, into the flame."

Crowley slowly stepped towards the flame, the heat already kissing his skin. If it was Aziraphale, his skin would already be burning from the heat alone. He stared at Gabriel, amethyst eyes burning in the flame. Gabriel eyed Crowley as if he was trying to see something but failed. 

_ Good luck Gabe.  _

"Right." He took a small breath as he gave them a passive smile. What would Aziraphale's final words be to the people he despised so much? He tried to be kind but was always being treated horribly. But in the face of evil, one must treat his enemy kindly for karma shall get to them, "Well it was lovely knowing you all. May we meet on a better occasion."

Gabriel's eyes narrowed, his hands clenched at his sides. "Shut your stupid mouth and die already." He couldn't help but smile at the death of an angel.

Crowley sneered, returning the smile You're so fucking lucky Gabriel that you have the others or you would join me in this flame. He could feel his composure already breaking as he clenched his fists and walked into the flames. 

The heat of Hell was exhilarating. The flames licking at the heavenly body of Aziraphale threatening to sear if it wasn't for Crowley's influence. It was like finally taking a breath, the fire filling his lungs, and making his body feel alive. He rolled his neck, feeling the angel's body relax in the flames as he heard he shallow gasp of the Angel of Sodom and Gomorrah. Crowley smiled, slowly opening his eyes to stare at Gabriel. Purple clashing with the red-orange of fire. A sly smile grew upon his lips as he breathed out a fire at the Archangels sending scampering back in fear.

"It-it may be worse than I thought," Gabriel admitted as he threatened to step forward.

_ You think? Just wait till I'm done. _ Crowley grinned like a mad man clenching fire in his hands and morphing it into a sphere of flames. 

"He needs to-" Sandalphon even seemed flustered at the spectacle before him. 

"What is he?" Uriel spat out as Crowley played with the flames, "He should be dead."

"I'm afraid I've gone a bit native." Crowley spoke as he threw the ball of flame up into the air, "six thousand years of non-supervision can do a lot to a person. I've learned some new tricks, you see."

Gabriel growls as he slowly approaches the flame as Crowley caught the ball and stared at him, "Impossible. You can't just-"

"Do what, Gabriel? Ta. I'm afraid Hellfire can be quite daring if the right angel touches it" Crowley tilted his head slightly as he frowned, "Is it possible that I can leave now? I'm dreadfully busy and would like to settle by businesses."

"This is not over, Aziraphale. You must be made an example of. If you aren't punished then that means-"

"Gabriel. Enough." Uriel says as she motioned Eric to gather the flames, "We can't touch him. He's no longer part of us."

Crowley dropped the ball of flame and stepped out towards Gabriel, "Does that mean I'm free to go? Well if that's the case, it was a lovely time having this chat. Hope that we don't see each other again soon. Ta-ta." As he turned to walk towards the elevator back to Earth, Crowley could hear Gabriel growl and charge after him. 

"No. This isn't over. Not for a long shot." Gabriel growled into his ear as he spun Crowley to face him, "I know what you are. I know-"

"I'm sorry, Gabriel." Crowley pulled himself back as he turned again to leave. He paused stopping mid-turn to swing a hard clenched fist to Gabriel's nose, feeling the bones crack beneath his fists and knocking the Archangel back, "But I do believe that is." 

Crowley couldn't but chuckle softly at himself as he watched Gabriel struggle to his feet as the elevator doors close between them. 

*~~~~*

Long after they switched back and the lunch at the Ritz, Crowley could still feel the warm sensations running through his veins. The emotion of love was a drug overtaking the emotion of desire and yearning. He was addicted and only wanted more.

The shop had been closed for hours. Soft Tchaikovsky played on the gramophone. Crowley curled up on the couch, his head resting head on the lap of Aziraphale as he read softy from a book. The angel's fingers running gently through the auburn strands, pulling him under. He released a gentle sigh as he fought the urge to sleep. The sounds of book closing were the only thing that kept him up.

"So, Crowley, my dear. You haven't told me what happened in Heaven yet. Was it as exciting as me asking for a rubber duck?" Aziraphale asked, his fingers petting his scalp in soft strokes.

"Eh… nothing too important. Just played with that fire for a bit. That's all." 

"That's all?" Aziraphale scoffs, clicking his tongue in a soft teasing chuckle, "My dear sweet serpent, are you saying that you passed up the opportunity to mess with the Archangels just to play with Hellfire? I'm shocked that you would do such a thing."

"Ngk." Crowley buried his nose into Aziraphale's leg, grumbling for sleep and for soft petting to continue, "Nah… I didn't something else too."

"Oh? Please do tell."

"I- uh-erm. Do I have to, angel? Can it wait?"

"Absolutely not, Crowley." Aziraphale removed his hand from the demon's head and nudged him to sit up. Crowley begrudgingly obliged as he sat up, tossing his skewed shades from his jacket onto the table, "I told you what I've done. So it seems only fair that you tell me the whole story."

"I don't think you want to hear it, Aziraphale." Crowley rubbed at his face and sighed "You might get a little cross with me."

"Nonsense." Aziraphale gently cupped his face with a sincere smile, running his thumb against his cheekbone, "I would never get cross with you. If I did, it would only be a short while."

"So we're not going to talk about the fourteenth century where you didn't or talk to me because of the plague. Or how about eighteen-sixty-" 

Aziraphale brushed his lips against him to silence the demon's gob. He chuckled pulling back with a smile, "besides the point. Things are different now, Crowley. Just tell me so I can prepare if anything should come up."

"You sure? I mean-"

" _Crowley_."

"Alright. Fine." Crowley pressed his lips once more against Aziraphale's, as an early token for forgiveness, "Don't say I didn't tell you so. But how would you feel if I say punched Gabriel in the face as I left?"

Aziraphale paled as he pulled back to stare at the demon. He blinked once. Twice. Three times to comprehend the words that slipped from the demon's lips like a snake from a brush. He opened his mouth to speak but promptly closed it as he contemplated the possibilities.

"Uh…" Crowley waved a hand in front of Aziraphale's face trying to give the former Principality some life, "Angel?"

"You- you did what?" That was all Aziraphale could stutter out causing some concern for Crowley.

"Uh… punched Gabriel? In my defense, the asshat deserved it. Do you know he doesn't seem to shut up either? All he kept doin' was talking and insulting you. It was very difficult to keep my composure after the third or so insult. I should've-"

A boisterous laugh interrupted Crowley, an honest, relieving laugh that shook Aziraphale to the core. A laugh that he rarely heard, only from a funny joke from a book or a Shakespeare play. His cheeks turned pink as he wiped at his eyes trying to catch his breath.

"So… you're not mad?"

"Of course I'm not, love!" Aziraphale finally responded against lips as they kissed. He pulled away leaving Crowley thoroughly confused, "Frankly, if I had enough courage I probably would've done it myself. Gabriel surely doesn't know how to keep his mouth shut."

Crowley opened his mouth to say something only closing it shortly after. It was not something he would expect coming from an angel who didn't have it in him to hurt a soul. He only shrugged, "So I guess, I did well?"

"Crowley, my star-maker" Aziraphale only smiled as he tried to ease the confused look on Crowley's face with a kiss, "You were excellent!"

**Author's Note:**

> Like what you've read? What to chat about Headcanons and such? Find me on tumblr @ darkshadows93


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